$10 says Randy’s playing Triple-A baseball by March.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry I haven’t written, okay?  But it wasn’t my fault.  Honest… I ran out of gas! I–I had a flat tire! I didn’t have enough money for cab fare! My tux didn’t come back from the cleaners! An old friend came in from out of town! Someone stole my car! There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts!

Okay but seriously, here’s why I haven’t written lately:

Football is killing me this year.

I can’t focus.  I don’t even know where to look.

I don’t want to look at my fantasy team.  The aptly named “Underachievers” (taglined “Just like the Bills, only with more wins.”) have thrown me a gelatinous mess of stats that couldn’t beat a goldfish.  Miraculously, I have 4 wins.  Or, despairingly, I have only 4 wins.  Either way, that’s twice as many as the Bills have.

So I don’t want to look at the Bills.  I correctly chose and was affirmed in my decision to NOT watch the Bills this year, because they stink.  Then they almost won 3 straight games.  Then they DID win 2 games.  Then they almost won one more game.  GetmyhopesupGetmyhopesupGetmyhopesup…and they got crushed last week.  My heart is not a yo-yo and my love is not a toy.

I don’t want to look at the players.  The number of 3rd string quarterbacks starting games is unreal.  I have been in pro football longer than some of those guys.  Beyond that, Peyton Manning is turning into Brett Favre and Brett Favre is turning into Al Davis.  James Harrison can’t turn sideways without being fined, and Stevie Johnson is going Chuck Knoblauch on us.  The 2 highest paid Redskins have both been benched at least once this year, and I’m not sure even Randy Moss knows what team he plays for.

I don’t want to look at the coaches.  It’s a waste of time paying attention to someone who’s going to get fired next week.  (What’s that Jerry Richardson?  John Fox’s job in Carolina is safe for the rest of the season?  Whew!  You heard him John, now go get that second win!)

And finally, I don’t want to look at the best team, because then I’d have to look at the Patriots, and I try never to look directly at them.  (Should be quite the challenge seeing as how I will be at the Bears-Patriots game this Sunday.  Although probably one or more of my eyes will be frozen shut.  Chicago.  Always the problem solver.)

Bring on Week 14!


So that’s how it feels!

My emotional boycott of the Bills has paid off!

Partially because I have chosen to remain emotionally detached this year (and partially because I was at the Bears-Redskins game), I did not watch the Bills play the Ravens yesterday.  As a result, I did not get overexcited when the Bills tied the game to send it into overtime, and I did not get depressed when they still eventually lost.

Yesterday’s game completely vindicated my “emotionally-detached 2010” decision.  Games like yesterday are why I made this decision.  Games like yesterday (500+ yards on offense?  300+ yards passing?!?) are rare in Buffalo.  Outcomes like yesterday are not.

So instead of falling out of my seat when the car stopped while upside down (again), I was smart and didn’t even board the 2010 Bills roller coaster (seriously, somebody’s going to die on that thing one of these days).  I’m one step ahead of you Bills!  Take that!

In related news, it’s really no fun being emotionally detached.  Can’t wait for 2011.

Benefit of the doubt? What if you never had doubts?

Alright, while this article by Bob DiCesare makes a lot of sense (“Gailey played Bills’ QB shuffle with full deck“), I still would have cut Trent a year and 3 games ago.  Or at least 3 games ago.

Right now Buffalo is in a 5-way tie for last place, making the top 2 questions on everyone’s mind:
1.  Can they stay bad enough to put themselves in a position to draft a franchise quarterback in 2011?
2.  Will they actually be able to afford him?

(3.  Will there be a 2011 season??? )

Futility, thy name (this year) is Ed Fitzpatwards.

There you have it, the story of Buffalo’s demise in one giant run-on sentence:

Breaking down the Bills’ QB situation, by ESPN’s David Fleming.

After you read it, I want to set 3 things straight:

1.  Flutie Flakes were actually a decent cereal.
2.  The 1999 wild card loss to Tennessee is called “The Forward Lateral” not the “Music City Miracle.”
3.  We are proud of the GooGoo Dolls.

Other than that…it’s shockingly, depressingly, 100% true.

It’s like deja-vu all over again. It’s like deja-vu all over again.

I know, as one who is remaining “emotionally detached” from the Bills this year I shouldn’t care what happens to them.  But they are like a train wreck you can’t tear your eyes from. What? I said that last year? Okay…then it’s like there was this huge train wreck last year, and then this year the train ruins started on fire.  Now I’m watching the fire.

As it happens, I am not the only one doomed to repeat last year because – what’s this?! – Trent Edward is being replaced at quarterback by Ryan Fitzpatrick.  Deja-vu!

Albert Einstein once said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.  It sure doesn’t take an Einstein to know the Bills have lost their minds.

The Bills have 3 running backs who could start on just about any team and 3 quarterbacks who shouldn’t start for anyone.  Throughout training camp we heard about this sham of a competition for the starting spot that saw no one but Edwards take significant first team reps or start a preseason game – it’s a funny competition that doesn’t actually let people compete.

And thus – shocker! – Edwards won the starting role.  Two games later, he’s lost it.  Said head coach Chan Gailey, “We’re looking for a spark. We’re looking for something that gives us a new look, a new thought process. …We’re looking for the right combination. We haven’t found that yet.”

(That’s weird, I could have sworn that’s what training camp was for…)

None of this is at all surprising to Bills fans.  In fact, I am actually starting to feel sorry for Gailey as I’m pretty sure he got tricked into taking the head coaching job and he’s the only one who didn’t (doesn’t?) know it.  (To be clear, I have no faith in his ability as a head coach regardless…but still…poor guy.)

Gailey doesn’t seem to realize that all post-game press conferences have been running off a script for the past decade, and by benching Edwards in favor of Fitzpatrick he is playing right into it.  Although given his post-game remarks, maybe he knows his lines after all.

SPOILER ALERT:  This show ends with a 6-10 finish.  We don’t do happy endings in Buffalo.